[Lets out a gusty sigh through her teeth]
This was too much work for me to read, although I did, with an exhausting effect. You used to much description in this poem and I think you should cut it down, immensly! Some imagary is good, but others seem as the sort that belong in a piece of actually.. story writing?
The structure is disorganised and just, all over the place if I'm honest. You need to clean it up and at the same time, so the cutting down I referred to above. When you do this, you should also look at your punctuation, as in some places it really isn't needed.
With work, it'll be good.
Points: 890
Reviews: 461
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